In Light of Recent Events
by Shalva Shalom
Purim 2010
In light of recent events [wink wink nudge nudge g4y p4n3l], Yeshiva University has instituted a new, long-time policy of enabling and ennobling euphemisms and imprecise language regarding topics of a questionable and inflammatory nature. YU’s stance, says President Richard Joel, is an attempt to make Yeshiva students, alumni, faculty, staff and friends comfortable discussing, commiserating, meeting and enjoining, united in the goals set forth in YU’s mission statement and inherent in the institution’s positive accomplishments, highlighted in YU’s illustrious history and serving as inspiration to this day.
“As a Torah U’Madda institution,” commented an anonymous administrator, “we are responsible for protecting what we prophetically and democratically know to be Judaism from the extreme, illiterate ultra-religio control freaks on the right and from the sacrilegious, naked parades of liberals who write our T.V. shows on the left.”
Purportedly, the altneu policy is designed to make all official comments say everything and nothing at the same time.
(All rights belong to the Observer)
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