2010-02-28 - The Commentator [Purim] - Student Pulse: Gay, Cheating, Coffee, and Such.

Satire

Student Pulse: Gay, Cheating, Coffee, and Such.

1. The Gay Question?

Yes	45%
No	32%
Maybe	23%

Since everybody knows that Sy Syms students cheat like, a lot, what is the most creative method of cheating?
a. Asking your neighbor
b. Writing answers on your hand
c. Stealing the test
d. Stealing money and bribing the professor
e. Stealing the professor and selling the money
f. Using ESP
g. Using ESPN
The correct answer was e.

3. Coffee is the best, right?

a.

Yes

74%

4. What would you say is the relationship between YU's Wireless Internet and your mood on a daily basis?

a. The lack of reception frequently correlates with a lack of patience for my peers and classes	3 bars %
b. No Internet Make Angry	Limited Connectivity %
c. All Jewish History and no Gmail make Moshe a dull boy	youtube.2%
d. I don't even go to classes where I know I can't get internet	everybody %

"The slow internet speed has made my...uh...videos very tough to load. And also, it's ruined three shidduchim for me on YUconnects."
"I think the last comment should have been more explicit"

5. According to a recent Gallup poll, President Obama's unfavorables have risen to 57%

a. Yes	0%
b. No	0%
c. N/A	0%

"I'm not entirely sure this is really a question"

6. Where should the women's chagiga be held?

a. The fourth floor of IHP	475%
b. Weissberg Commons	100%
c. Cardozo	-3
d. Xerxes's Harem	129 Nations %

Quick Numbers:

• 9,461 students started the survey, of which 437 finished it. 6,478 were from YC, 2,963 were from SCW, and 20 students were from either Sy Syms school.
• The gayest major by far was English, with well over 30% of the English major respondents, and another 70% of other majors who sounded like they were English majors, answering "yes" to the Gay Question.
• The smartest group on campus is The Closetator Staff, 100% of whom agreed that coffee was the best.
• Both Sy Syms for Women students wanted the chagiga to be in Xerxes's Harem.
• Third-year MYP Honors Psychology Majors who take an average of 13.4 credits per semester and live on campus on the sixth floor of Rubin all responded that No Internet Made [them] Angry.

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