Get Back in the Closet
Satire
February 2002
To the Editors:
It's about time that Steven I. Weiss got put back in the closet. In recent editions of The Successor - and I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about - Mr. Weiss has flamingly displayed his personal proclivities.
I believe I am experessing an opinion of a majority of students when I state that I was upset and disappointed by the picture of Steven I. Weiss in the latest edition of The Successor. If Mr. Weiss wishes to maintain his peculiar lifestyle in the privacy of his own home, he is certainly entitled to do so; corrupting the minds of our innocent student body is something we should not tolerate. Mr. Weiss proudly marches his perversions before the entire community, as if they are worthy of celebration.
I hereby condemn Mr. Weiss and The Successor, and strongly urger Mr. Weiss to avoid the ghastly combination of aviator sunglasses, overtly angled sideburns, and non-matching blue hood with beiger trench coat. Please do not publish photographs of Mr. Weiss in such a compromising position again. He is a fashion emergency in need of help; that you encourage him to such openness is irresponsible, to say the least. In fact, it is sick, sick, sick. As Jews, we are meant to strive to raise ourselves about unnatural fashion in our pursuit of what we know to be morally upright, despite all obstacles.
Dean Canadian Bacon SCW '97, RIETS '02
(All rights belong to The Commentator)
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