Being Four Sons in the Orthodox World
by Goatee McMurray
Purim 2010
The wise son, what does he ask? “What is this homosexuality panel to our university?” And you shall moderate the conversation and tell him none of the halakha and you shall say, “This is the homosexuality panel that our university held in December.”
The wicked son, what does he ask? “What is this homosexuality panel to you?” And you shall grind your pearly white, radiant-with-a-touch-of-ivory-chic teeth and tell him about the homosexuality panel and say, “This is the homosexuality panel that got my university aflutter.” For had he attended Yeshiva University, he would not have come out of the closet.
The simple son asks, “What is this?” And you shall tell him, “This is the homosexuality panel that took place at our university. And this is the transcript of the panel, and these are the videos of the panel and these are the 308,999 blog and website comments about the panel which we check on a regular basis in case we get wind that lesbians are coming to speak at Yeshiva University and someone from The Observer needs to cover the event in the next issue.”
And to the son who does not know how to ask about the panel or sexual orientation in general because he attends a Jewish day school with no sex-ed in the curriculum you should say, “This is the homosexuality panel that the Tolerance Club and Wurzweiler held in December.” (He’s too young for you to know whether he’s gay or straight, though he himself might already have an inkling.)
(All rights belong to the Observer)
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