2011-03 - The Commentator [Purim] - Burns Security Guard Unsure Whether to Let Transgendered Professor into Glueck

Burns Security Guard Unsure Whether to Let Transgendered Professor into Glueck

SATIRE

March 2011

Recently-female Stern College for Women (SCW) Professor Sarah Schmidt sparked a minor Yeshiva University scandal upon trying to enter The Glueck Center for Jewish Study last week. Burns Security Guard Carlos Alvarez halted the confused professor in the glass doorway, vociferously demanding an ID. Startled, Schmidt replied, "I seem to have left it downtown."

"Can't come in here without an ID," insisted Alvarez. Schmidt shuffled through her purse, hoping to find the small card, but confident that the guard would grant her entry despite any issues of ambiguous identity. "I'm a university professor . . . I teach here," offered a harried Schmidt. Alvarez, intransigent, insisted, "Well you should make that clearer. Wear the necklace."

As countless beis medrash dwellers discreetly flashed their driver's licenses and amusement park passes to get inside, Schmidt eventually gave up. "I can't go in Glueck because I lost my ID, and I don't want to go in Furst because the rooms have malfunctioning projectors," complained Schmidt. "I feel like I don't fit in on either side."

"I don't understand why she couldn't come in," said Jenny Danzler (SCW '11 ). "She's an incredible professor and everyone loves her. Why can't this university find space in its philosophical framework for someone who can't find their ID?"

Dr. Schmidt complained that "this never used to be a problem. But, ever since the start of last year, when I got a new sticker for my ID, everyone seems to do a doubletake."

"I haven't carried around my ID since I was about 12," said Jacob Fretzler (YC '10), former president of the Tolerance Club. "I used to be afraid of the consequences—people telling me I can't go where I want to—but now I just march into Glueck with pride."

Students regularly complain about the requirement to flash their IDs when entering a university building, questioning the dubious value of such an inconvenient policy.

"We have no such policy," announced Rabbi Reiss.

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